


Behind Enemy Lines

by MusicLover6661



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Death, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Protective Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-07 01:56:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14660937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: The last thing I heard was Steve yelling my name





	1. Chapter 1

The trenches were deep, covered in absolute filth as we scoured every inch of any soldiers hiding. Get in and get out, those were the orders from the higher ups. It was an easy task, as long as you knew what to look for. People could hide in the smallest of places, the gunshot would hit you before you even knew what was happening. The gun felt heavy in my hands, the jacket clung to every inch of my skin as I stalked forward silently. There had been no survivors so far, only the cold eyes of every nazi soldier we passed. The other soldiers wanted to spit on the bodies of the dead, disgust shown on their faces as we passed by. I refused to ever let it happen, even though they were the scum of the earth, they were already dead.

“Sergeant, the trenches are all clear, no sign of life anywhere” One of the recruits spoke up first, he was a small kid. Reminded me of a close friend from back home.  
“Alright, we're gonna make camp here for the night and then head out tomorrow” The men sighed with relief, we had been going non stop for the last few weeks.

The sun settled low in the sky, a cool breeze passing through the open trenches. I rested my head back and yawned. I knew sleep would evade me for most of the night, it's just how things were out here in the world. I was tempted to write a letter to my mom, tell her I was doing alright. It wasn't a good idea though, she'd write back and tell me how worried she was. I didn't want to feel homesick, to remember the idea of my home. I could just get a few hours of restless sleep before heading deeper into the shithole they were calling the war.

 

The sun was high in the sky, turning the skin on the back of my neck a deep red for sure. Even though the trees were thick enough to give us shade, it wasn't enough. The sun was breaking through more often the farther along we walked. The men complained every few miles, some wanting to take a break, others hungry. We couldn't stop though, not until we reached our destination. Even then we wouldn't be able to really rest. God, I hated this. But I was doing the right thing, I was keeping my country safe.

“I can see it from here” Jacob, a gangly looking kid walked by my side. His face had thinned out from when he first joined the army. He once had a baby face, though it was entirely gone now, replaced by the hard lines of war.

“We can eat and rest when we get there, let the other men know” I walked a little faster, wanting nothing more than to drink from my canteen.

Jacob slowed his pace down to join the other men who were trailing behind. The lieutenant had walked over to me, his eyebrow raising in question. I simply shook my head, this wasn't the time or place to talk. He knew there was more to my story, more I wasn't willing to tell anyone. The only person who knew how terrified I had been was my mother. She begged me not to enlist, pleading at my feet not to leave her. I had to though, they would need the strongest of men in their bunkers, and I was going to be one of them.

“Head on inside and eat men” The lieutenant stayed outside, his eyes on me.  
“Aren't you going to sit and rest for a minute?” I was afraid of stepping on his toes, he was a higher rank than me as it was.  
“There's something I need to show you” His expression was hiding his nerves, but his eyes gave him away immediately.  
“Yes sir” He turned and headed over to a tent, pulling back the curtain.

I furrowed my brow and stepped inside slowly. There were two men, and one woman standing inside. A blonde man, tall and stoic, his back turned to me. I recognized her right away though, Peggy Carter, she was at the enlistment office when I went down. I didn't recognize the other man though, he must be from a different division, coming down to see the other recruits for himself.

“About time you made it here” The general stood up slowly, pacing over to where I stood. The lieutenant wasn't anywhere to be seen.  
“We've been a little busy, hit a couple snags on the way down” I smirked and wiped my hands off on my pants before shaking his hand.  
“There's someone here I'd like you to meet” He turned and walked back over to the other gentleman, placing his hand on the guys arm.

The moment he turned everything clicked into place, I would recognize that face no matter where I was, even deep in the trenches of a war. How the hell was he here? And when the hell did he get so tall?

“Steve?” My voice was quiet as I looked him over once, twice. My eyes were deceiving me, that wasn't my best friend standing in front of me. That was a stranger.  
“It's me Buck” He smiled softly, he was shaking nervously. It was as if everything had changed in a matter of a few months.  
“What'd they do to you?” I spat at him, I couldn't keep my composure any longer.  
“I know it's a lot to take in, I've been trying to really get used to everything myself” Steve stepped towards me slowly, his stature took me off guard, and I reached for the knife I kept on my side.  
“A lot to take in? You're a fucking freak Rogers, jesus man” I gripped the handle gently, my lips pulled down into a grimace.  
“If you let me explain myself, this will go a lot smoother” Steve rolled his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest.  
“I don't need to do anything” I stepped away from him and walked out of the tent.

I didn't turn around, not once I heard him yell my name, to when he ran over and grabbed me by the shoulders. I was ready to take my knife and put it to some good use. Show him all the training I had gotten with it.

“Let go of me Rogers!” I pushed him away, glaring as he huffed.  
“Buck, I just want you to know I did this to help everyone” Steve shrugged gently. God I wanted nothing more than to punch him.  
“Help? What the fuck did they do to you? You're not the scrawny kid I remember form back home” I was still struggling to grasp what I was even looking at.  
“It was a serum that they were working on, they wanted to use it on someone they deemed worthy, and I just happened to be that person” I shook my head, I was crazy.  
“You've got to be kidding me, Steve I feel like I belong in a nut house right now” I chuckled and rubbed my face, the heat was getting to me.  
“I'm being serious, it was an experiment of sorts” Steve held out his arms as if to prove it was really him.

Men walked by us with confused expressions, whispering to one another asking what our problems were, and who the new guy was.

“Steve, was this a good idea?” The only question that was burning through my mind, what if this all backfired on him? Whatever this weird experiment was.  
“Yes, I just need you to trust me for now” Steve held a hand on my shoulder, his eyes locked onto my face.  
“You're gonna have to earn my trust, seeing as you're a new man and all” I couldn't help but smirk. Steve chuckled and turned back towards the barracks.

We spent most of the day talking about what he had gone through, it was a life altering experience for him. Women were practically throwing themselves at him, but he was too afraid to pursue anything, typical. He had been able to visit my mother before coming back over, said she was doing well and hoped to see me soon. The thought only brought pain, I would do everything in my power to be back home soon.

We headed out in the morning, gathering our packs before treading down into the forest. There was a train that was waiting for us about ten miles out. If we walked fast enough we'd make it before dinnertime. Even though trains weren't the most useful, it'd be a lot nicer than walking for god knows how long.

“It's strange, being back here” Steve muttered under his breath, I raised a brow at him.  
“Since what happened?” The last time he was on the battlefield he was the small kid with asthma, not some super soldier.  
“Yeah, I feel like at any moment I'm gonna be that same person again” Steve shook his head and quickened his steps.  
“I doubt that's gonna happen, just worry about the task at hand” I clutched my rifle tighter in my hands, the forest went quiet suddenly.

Steve nodded to everyone to keep an ear out, no birds chirping, not even a squirrel scurrying along the ground. Something didn't feel right. The only sounds were the branches and twigs breaking under our heavy boots. The train was visible after a few minutes, the dark exterior reminded me of a prison. It sure as hell felt like one at this point.

The men loaded up onto the cars, each taking a seat before relaxing. Steve was the last one on, checking the perimeter before assuring there was no immediate danger. The train lurched forward harshly, almost knocking me onto my ass. Steve stood by the windows, watching the scenery as we passed by. It was tranquil almost, soothing in a strange way. A hiss grazed my ears before the car exploded, throwing more than half the men out. I was thrown down onto my back, my ears now ringing with a high pitch whine. Pushing off of the floor I coughed harshly, trying to pull in a lungful of air and failing.

Another explosion rocked a car farther down on the train, the men screaming to one another, where was the threat coming from? The moment I was on my feet I reached for my gun, it was nowhere to be found. Shit. The train was heading over a bridge, the only thing to be seen below was water. Steve grabbed onto my shirt roughly, pulling me close to his side. A third hiss whizzed by closer this time, the door to the cab flying off. Steve's grip loosened as I toppled away from him, struggling to grab onto anything before I was suddenly falling. The last thing I heard was my name being screamed by Steve.

* * *

 

The air bit into my skin as I was dragged along the ground, my vision blurry. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to even _think_. My chest tightened as I groaned in pain, clutching at the cold snow beneath my right hand. I reached with my left hand, only to notice that it wasn't there. Only a bloody stump now replaced it. A soldier stood above me, his brows furrowed as he took in my state of injury, calling over to someone else in german. Was I behind enemy lines? Shit, I wasn't going to survive if that was the case.

“ _Er muss einen Sanitäter sehen”_ I could faintly make out what he was saying, they were going to bring me to a medic, someone to help me.  
 _“Bitte lass mich nicht sterben”_ My german wasn't going to be perfect, I was sure they would detect the accent I had.

The taller of the two men lifted me off the ground with ease, heading in the direction of what I could only hope was a hospital. My eyes slowly slipped closed as I prayed for death to take me slowly. Let my mother know I loved her, she would always be with me.

The next time I woke was nothing like the first, the room was warm, almost too warm. The pain I had been feeling in my left arm was gone, replaced by a numbness. I reached my right hand to rub at my eyes and groaned in pain. It was excruciating, was I actually in hell? Did I do something so horrific to piss off the devil that he was going to make me suffer for all eternity?

  
“He's awake doctor” The voice was american, heavily accented german.  
“It's nice to see you finally away Sergeant Barnes” I blinked my eyes open, squinting at the harsh light above my head.  
“Where am I?” My voice was rough, cracking with each word.  
“You're in our base, very lucky to be alive” The doctor stepped closer to my bed, looking over a chart in his hands.  
“Where did you find me?” I glanced down at my left arm, my throat tightening as I took in the metal.  
“You washed up on the side of the river, one of my men found you” He placed the chart down. His eyes were locked onto me.

Everything around me was screaming for me to run, to get away from where I was being held. To find the front line and find Steve. To get to safety. I didn't even know where I was though, where would I run even if I did escape?

“We're going to take good care of you Mr. Barnes, don't worry” The man smiled, it didn't comfort me in the slightest.

I just wanted to go home.

Things didn't get any better, I was trained to become a better soldier. I was to become one of the best. If not, the best. They were saying I was too powerful, too unstable when things got out of hand.

“Put him on ice, we're not going to need him for a while” What the hell did that mean? I didn't want to be put on ice. That sounded painful.

Two guards dragged me down to a chamber, the metal bed was intimidating. It towered over everyone's head. They threw me inside and sealed the door, everything began to become fuzzy as I reached up, begging to be let out. It was too late.

 

 

**70 Years Later**

 

Running. It was all I knew how to do. I was scared and lost. The clothes on my back were stolen from a clothes line. I needed to hide who I was, hide the one thing that was put on me to destroy. I couldn't forget any of their faces, pleading with me.

  
I clenched my jaw and walked into the museum slowly, it was practically empty, save for a few people here and there. They paid me no mind though, going on about their day as if I didn't exist. It felt pretty nice, not to be stared at as if I was a freak. One of the names of a man caught my eye, he looked so familiar. Steve Rogers, the Captain America. He was a war hero, saving thousands of men from their impending doom. The breath in my throat caught as I looked to the man next to him. It couldn't be, _it wasn't real._

“They never said how he died, but said he was by Steve's side when it happened” A woman stood next to me, her eyes looking over the screen in front of us.  
“He's a war hero then, probably sacrificed his life” I mumbled lowly, my hands were trembling in my pockets.  
“He probably did, can't even imagine what the war was like back then” She smiled softly before her eyes flicked over to my face. Stay calm.  
“Terrifying” My words were too quiet, _too real._

She nodded and stepped away from the exhibit. I had given away too much, shit. I looked back up at the name in front of me. James Buchanan Barnes. Was that my real name? The man I used to be at least? My ears picked up on soft whispering.

“It's him Steve, I swear on my life it's him” My entire body stiffened, get out of there now!

I turned and walked towards the exit of the building, the woman who had been standing next to me followed behind, keeping a good distance as to not raise suspicion. The streets were usually crowded around this time, I just needed to get outside and hide myself in the crowd. Her footsteps grew closer the moment my hand landed on the door's handle. I had to use little of my actual strength as I pushed it open, and even then the door swung open violently.

There was a man watching me from across the street, a baseball hat covering most of his face, but even then I knew who he was. Memories of the train rushed back, the grip he had on my shirt before I fell. The ice cold water, the blood loss. I clenched my hands into tight fists as I stalked towards him, anger was the only emotion I felt. The man threw his hands up to defend himself, catching the blow as I threw a left hook.

  
“You let me die!” I wrapped my arms around his neck, gripping roughly as he struggled to kick my legs out from underneath me.  
“I tried to save you Buck! They were trying to kill us” He threw me over his shoulder, pushing himself closer so I couldn't get back up. Why did that name sound so familiar?  
“You tried to save yourself, don't pull me into your lies” I blocked each punch he threw, countering with one of my own. My fists collided with his ribs, his stomach. Wherever I could reach.  
“I never wanted you to die, I jumped into the water after you” He grabbed both of my arms, pinning them behind my back as the woman from before ran over.

 

I opened my mouth to curse at her before everything went black, my body hitting the ground with a hard crack.

 

 **Y/N's P.O.V  
  
** They brought him in, and to say he didn't look so good would be an understatement. The man looked like he had been through three wars, let alone one. Nat had given him enough sedatives to kill a horse, Steve assured us he would be just fine when he woke up though.

“I've never seen something so complex before” I traced the lines on his left arm, Hydra really did a number on him.  
“He was a killing machine, I found every record of him” Steve sat down in the chair next to me. He needed to be there in case Bucky woke up sooner than expected.  
“He recognized himself, at the Smithsonian. He saw Steve and just sort of snapped” Nat set down the tablet and sighed.  
“So what do we do for him?” Steve looked at me, his eyes full of worry.  
“Wait and see, I suggest you two leave for now though. I'll make sure to call in case he wakes up sooner than expected” Steve was going to protest, but Nat shook her head.

They each left without another word, Steve's eyes glancing over to Bucky one last time before the door shut behind him. Bucky's vitals were stable for a while, he wasn't showing any negative activity until his vitals suddenly spiked, his arms trembling against the bed. I ran over and held my hand gently against his chest, talking softly enough to not startle him. His eyes fluttered open, squinting at the light above him.

“You're alright sir, just breathe slowly” I pushed myself up gently, he was unstable right now. Last thing he needed was to feel threatened.  
“Where am I?” He reached up towards his neck, wincing at the pain.  
“You're at the Avengers compound, currently in the med bay” I grabbed his chart trying to look busy, his eyes darkened. Maybe that was a bad idea.  
“Why am I here?” He pushed himself up, his left hand gripping onto the bar, crushing it without a second thought.  
“Steve found you, he was worried you were going to hurt yourself” I placed the chart down on the table and faced him.

His expression was cold and empty, no emotion in his eyes at all. Oh shit. I glanced over at the phone on his bedside table. There was no way I'd be able to call Steve before he grabbed me.

  
“I wouldn't do that if I were you” His voice dropped low, a knowing smirk pulling up his lips.  
“James, I'm not here to hurt you” My throat tightened with fear, he glanced down at the IV's in his arm, pulling them out slowly.  
“You're not getting out of here, so stop the act” He stepped down onto the floor, walking over to me.

 

My heart raced wildly in my chest, there was definitely no way Steve was going to get here in time now. The metal of his left hand encased my throat, he wasn't applying pressure though, he was showing who was in charge now.

“You're going to show me the way out of here, and you're going to come with me” His lips were pressed against my ear, smirking as I nodded.

I took him down to the lockers, finding him clothes that he could change into. He threw a change of clothes at me once he was done. He wanted to make sure no one would notice us leaving, no matter what it took. Once we had both changed, he grabbed my arm roughly, pushing me towards the doors. No one was outside, the parking lot almost bare as he walked over to my car, taking the keys from my hands he got inside. I almost sighed with relief, he was going to let me go now that he was able to leave.

“Get in the fucking car” Okay, I was terribly mistaken. I nodded and got into the passenger seat as Bucky threw the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot.  
“Where are we going?” I asked nervously. My heart hadn't slowed down at all.  
“We're hiding, somewhere he won't find us” Bucky scowled as he pulled onto the highway. It was going to be a while before I felt safe.

* * *

 

We were in Germany before Bucky even felt remotely safe. He had made sure that I paid for the tickets, it was a trick to keep Steve off our trail. I wasn't sure how much he remembered, and I was too afraid to ask at this point. He paced the small kitchen, his eyes glancing over to the windows every few seconds. He was anticipating another fight, hoping Steve would come looking for us.

“James, can you tell me why you dragged me with you?” I knew trying to reason with an overwhelmed super soldier wasn't the best idea, but what else could I do?  
“I needed him to leave me alone, be somewhere safe” He mumbled it more to himself than me. His pacing faltered as his jaw tightened. Had someone found us?  
“What's wrong?” I stood up from the chair, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever he had seen.  
“Get in the bedroom, now” My heart stopped, oh please don't let this happen to me.

 

I turned and went into the small room that could even be considered a closet and sat down on the bed. My hands were sweating roughly, this wasn't really happening, I was back home in my own bed asleep. Bucky stalked into the room a few minutes later, shutting the door without another word.

“I'm taking a nap, you're going to lay down” He kicked off his shoes, crawling into the small bed. So he was just afraid I'd try and escape when he finally fell asleep.  
“Yes sir” I pulled back the blanket and curled up next to him.

He huffed and tried to get comfortable, before settling into a position that felt best to him. His soft snores began to fill the room slowly. I began to think of what happened before all of this, who was Bucky? Steve had told me a few things, back during the war. He wasn't the same man as before though, neither of them were. They had each changed in their own ways. Steve became an american icon, someone that children looked up to. And Bucky? The man was put through more torture than anyone deserved. He had his life ripped from his hands more than once, and he was trying to find peace within himself. Deciding I wasn't going to do much for the rest of the day I closed my eyes, a nap would help me feel a little better.

Bucky's frame was shaking next to me, sweat matting his hair as he panted for a breath. He was having a nightmare, his hands gripping onto the comforter as he whispered softly in German. The words were rushed, panicked in a sense.

“Buck, wake up” I shook his shoulder gently, to let him know he was only dreaming.

His hand wrapped around my throat roughly, pressing down as he growled into my ear.

“Don't you ever touch me again” His voice was rough with sleep, and if I hadn't been afraid of my impending death, I was sure I'd find it sexy.  
“Buck, please” I grabbed his wrist and swallowed hard, he pressed harder and frowned. His eyes were open then, his hand pulling away from my throat quickly.

I pulled in a deep lungful of air as I stared up at him, fear overtaking every sense in my body. He looked down at his hands in disgust, the sounds of footsteps broke each of us out our gaze. Someone had found him, and I wasn't entirely sure it was Steve.

Bucky pulled up from the bed, slipping on his shoes and holding his hand out to me. I took it without a second thought and held tight as he walked towards the front door. There were men screaming on the other side of the door, Bucky's face paled. He turned towards a window in the kitchen and kicked the glass away before pushing me out onto fire escape, he grabbed the bag we had been sharing and stepped out. The door was blown off the hinges, men flooding into the small apartment as Bucky and I made our way down the metal stairs. The police had caught sight of us as we made our way to the opposite end of the alley. Steve stood there, waiting for us. Bucky's eyes widened in fear, he didn't want to be taken back.

“Buck, you need to come with us” Steve reached towards him slowly, Bucky flinched back as if he'd been burned.  
“You need to leave us alone” Bucky's grip tightened on my arm, pulling me back flush against his chest.  
“Bucky please, let her go” Steve was worried about his friend, about the man he had become slowly.  
“I said, you need to leave us alone” Bucky glared at Steve, anger the only emotion evident on his face.  
“Why did you run here? Away from everyone else?” Steve's stepped closer, his hands mere inches away from Bucky's left arm.  
“I can't be there, too many people” I furrowed my brows, what the hell did that mean?

Steve grabbed onto his left arm, twisting it behind him so that I was able to run if I had to. And yet, I didn't want to. I wanted to make sure Bucky would be safe, to be there when he was taken to where Steve took him.

“Y/N, get out of here!” Steve was struggling to keep a hold on Bucky, to keep him restrained.  
“Steve, let go of him” I kept my distance, afraid of what could happen if Bucky were to snap again.  
“Excuse me?” He was looking at me as if I was insane. And maybe I was, but I knew what Bucky needed.  
“You need to let go of him, please” I stepped closer to Bucky. His eyes were frantic as he struggled against Steve's grip.

Steve reluctantly lets go, his eyes still locked onto me and what exactly I had planned. I gripped Bucky's shoulders to steady him as best I could. Bucky's hands grip onto my arms roughly, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe.

“Bucky, I need you to relax, you're having a panic attack” My heart was hammering against my chest. The cops were gone, searching for Bucky and I somewhere else.  
“Can't...breathe” His words were breathy, his hands tightening on my arms.

My mind raced as I tried to come up with the best solution to help him calm down. His back was to Steve, so it wasn't seeing him that was causing this, it was something else. I bit my lip and pressed my lips against his. His body stiffened, the tremors of his body slowing down as his grip loosened. His lips pressed back against my own for a moment before we each pulled away. He was calm, his eyes no longer clouded.

  
“What the hell was that?” Bucky muttered under his breath.  
“You were having a panic attack, it was to help you calm down. And it worked” I smiled despite the situation going on around us.  
“Thank you” Bucky let go of my arms, turning to face Steve who was just as stunned as he was.

Nat walked over, sliding a phone into the pocket of her hoodie.

“Guys, we have to go” Nat looked over at me with a sad smile. I tried to return it, though I wasn't sure it had much effect.  
“We'll talk later” Steve turned and headed over to a car, getting inside with Nat.

I picked up the bag Bucky had grabbed and walked over to the car with him. Even after spending every waking moment with the man, it was still hard to believe this was happening. Steve drove silently, checking his surroundings multiple times before heading onto a dirt road. Bucky stiffened beside me, his hand gripping my own as he took in the building before us.

It looked entirely abandon, the top part of the building was crumbling away. Steve parked the car and got out slowly, Nat following close behind him. I looked up at Bucky and frowned, he was terrified.

“Come on, I'll be there” I patted his hand gently before stepping out of the car. Bucky didn't waste a second in getting out, his hand wrapping around my arm. I knew it was a precaution of his, he was always afraid I'd run.

Steve watched us closely, from the way Bucky held my arm, to the way his expression changed within seconds.

“We're here to talk, so let's talk” Steve crossed his arms, Nat keeping a very close eye on Bucky.  
“He's struggling with himself Cap, I think the reason he fled is because he doesn't want to hurt people. It's what he was made to do, and he doesn't want to be that person anymore. He wants to feel free for once” Bucky's jaw clenched, that wasn't what I was trying to do.  
“I thought he had died, watching him fall off the train” Steve's voice trailed off as he looked at Bucky, both men were struggling with coming to terms.  
“He's here now, that's all that matters. But he can't go back there Steve, he needs somewhere more secluded” I could feel Bucky's hands tighten on my arm, his lip quivering slightly.  
“I have an apartment he can go to, no one knows where it is” I nodded, there was no way I could go back to my own apartment, it was probably swarming with Shield agents waiting for us.

 

I guess we were going back to New York.

* * *

  
The trip back was eventful to say the least. Bucky was jumpy and nervous, his eyes taking in everything about the quinjet as we made our way back home. He nodded off for a few minutes, his hand never leaving my arm. Steve tried to talk to him, get him to open up a little more. It lead Bucky to cowering into my side. His eyes wide with fear. Bucky, in a sense, was like a lost puppy. He just needed some guidance to where he needed to go. It made my heart soar that he chose me, and also scared me in the same time. The man was a killing machine, able to get the job done with the flick of a wrist.

“He's gotten close to you, is it bad if I'm jealous?” Steve glanced over to Bucky who was asleep pressed against my side.  
“Not at all, you guys were a lot closer than Bucky and I are right now” I ran my fingers along his arm, listening to the grunt that slipped through his lips.  
“I remember waking up, and seeing the exhibit. I couldn't believe he was gone” Steve frowned and rubbed his face, his head hanging in shame.  
“He's here now, that's all that matters” I wrapped my hand around Bucky's and smiled warmly as his fingers laced with my own.

The rest of the ride was quiet, the quinjet landing without a single sound. A man was waiting for us as we stepped off. Steve went over to greet him quietly. Bucky was already awake, unbuckling himself as the rest of us walked off.

“He's real, I thought you were joking” The man said as he glanced over at Bucky. His eyes locked onto me for a moment before looking back at Steve, he opened his mouth to protest.  
“I know I said it was only him, but he won't go anywhere without her, I think she's a safe haven for him. I just need you to do this until we can safely get him away from here” The man shook his head before introducing himself. His name was Sam Wilson, he was going to hide us out in his apartment until Steve found somewhere for us to hide permanently.

Bucky wasn't ready to go somewhere else, to try and hide again. He wanted somewhere away from the city, far away where no one would ever know he was there. Unfortunately Sam's apartment would have to do until things were ready. The thought of a warm shower was enough to get me to agree, and soon enough Bucky was agreeing as well.

Steve ushered everyone into a car, Sam gave him simple directions and we were soon outside the small apartment. Well, it looked small on the outside, Sam assured us that the inside was a lot bigger. Bucky was the first, besides Sam of course, to head inside. Steve waited until Nat and I were inside before heading inside, shutting the door behind himself. And Sam was definitely right, the inside was much bigger than the outside showed. Bucky glanced over to the bathroom, I knew he was itching to take a shower, neither of us had been able to properly clean ourselves without nearly freezing to death. The shower in Germany was always ice cold, so we'd take turns washing ourselves as quickly as possible before getting out. But now? We'd be able to stand under the spray for longer, enjoying the water.

“You guys can use the shower if you want, I'll get some towels and set em aside” Sam nods towards the bathroom, but Bucky stays put in his place.  
“Thank you, for everything really. You're doing too much for us” Bucky's hand tightens around my own, his lips pulled into a frown.  
“No need to thank me, Steve practically begged me to do this. And if you're enough to keep him calm, well I can't complain too much” Bucky's attention was on Sam then, his eyes hardening.

I pushed Bucky towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind myself. Sam did as he promised and brought a change of clothes for each of us, three fluffy towels in the opposite hand. I thank him once again, shutting the door to give Bucky the privacy he would need.

“No one's going to come in, now get in the shower” Bucky frowned and pulled off his henley, dropping it down onto the floor. His shoes and socks came next, followed by his jeans. He blushed as his thumbs hooked under his boxers.

“Come in with me” His words caught me off guard, a blush creeping up onto my cheeks.  
“Excuse me?” I averted my gaze away from him, the blush on my cheeks getting worse by the second.  
“It'll make this easier for me, please” Normally Bucky would wait outside the shower while I went, and vice versa, this was something new entirely.

I shook my head and started to pull off my own clothing. Things were getting too personal between either of us, but what could I do? Deny him and have him retreat back into the scared man who had kidnapped me before? He turned on the shower and stripped his boxers off quickly, don't you dare look at his naked body. He stepped under the spray of the shower, an almost porn worthy groan passing through his lips. The water must feel that good.

After I was completely undressed I stepped into the shower, the steam swirled around us both. Bucky turned with a small smile and let me step under the spray. He wasn't exaggerating in the least bit. The water felt like it could wash away every worry I ever had. Bucky grabbed a bottle of shampoo, pouring a small amount onto his hands before his hands were running through my hair. I had to hold onto the wall to prevent myself from hitting the shower floor. The shower is over much too fast for my liking, but the water turning cold is what pushes us out. Bucky wraps his waist in a towel before handing me my own. I couldn't help but watch as the water droplets traveled down his stomach to the towel, sliding to what was hidden underneath.

No, you can't be thinking of him in that way right now, he needs me to be more than just a booty call. Bucky's already pulling on the loose sweatpants by the time I come back to earth, his hand gripping onto the clothes Sam had given us. The shirt was too big, and the sweatpants hung too loose around my waist before I tied them as much as I could. Bucky looped an arm around my waist before heading out to the kitchen where everyone else was.

  
“Bout time you two joined us, have a nice shower?” Sam snickered under his breath, Nat couldn't hide her smile.  
“It was very nice, thank you” I could feel Bucky's arm tighten as he looked at Steve.  
“We found a house, it's far enough from civilization that Bucky could feel safe. Close enough where we could see be there if you guys needed us though” Steve slid the tablet over to me, the house seemed nice enough. Needed a little fixing, but that wouldn't be too hard.  
“Let's do it” I knew this was going to cause a controversy, but Bucky was my main priority in this moment.

 

Steve was able to buy the house without too many questions, the keys were in his hand within three weeks. Furniture moved in, the rooms updated to help get Buck up to standard. It felt like we were a married couple. And if I was honest, it wasn't that negative of a thought.

“We loaded up the cupboards, fridge, freezer, deep freeze. You guys shouldn't need to leave for at least another month and a half” Steve did a quick once over on the house, checking the security system for any bugs.  
“I'll let you know if anything changes with him, he seems content right now” I glanced at Bucky over my shoulder who had curled up on the couch, a book held tightly between his hands.  
“Thank you for doing this” Steve wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug, and I knew that Bucky would get jealous from the scene.  
“No need to thank me, now go before they get suspicious” I pushed against his chest and smiled. He left with a quick goodbye, leaving Bucky and I completely alone.

The house was quiet, save for the birds chirping outside of the windows. Bucky would glance over at them, studying them for a few moments before going back to his task at hand. He was working on his anger, the memories of who he had once been, and life in general. He took to chopping firewood for the fireplace, and even if it was too easy for him, he would do it for hours. Coming in once it was almost dark, and relaxing into a kitchen chair with a faint smile. Today was one of those days, and I wasn't sure if we'd even have any trees left by the time he was done.

“Buck, c'mon dinners on the table” I stood in the doorway watching him. He wedged the ax so it was stuck in the tree stump and turned towards the house. His chest covered in a light sheen of sweat, god that man was too beautiful for his own good.  
“What's on the menu for tonight?” Bucky lifted the bottom of his shirt and wiped his face, walking over to the steps.  
“I made spaghetti with meat sauce, something nice and warm” I knew Bucky would be able to eat the entire pot of pasta without a problem, but he was always courteous enough to leave me just enough.  
“That sounds amazing right now” Bucky walked up the few steps, his hands pressing into my waist gently.

It was strange seeing the man in front of me today, compared to the one who had originally kidnapped me and took me halfway across the damn world. He wasn't cold and distant anymore, he was smiling happily and laughing at jokes. He was turning into the man that Steve once knew, and it warmed my heart to see him so happy. His lips pressed against my cheek softly, his arms sliding around to hold me against his chest.

“Let's go inside and eat” Bucky nodded slowly.

The rest of the world could wait, it was just Bucky and I for a while

 


	2. Chapter 2

Things had been going fine, Bucky wasn't having nightmares often, if at all anymore. He was genuinely happy, smiling more often. I wanted to call Steve and let him know that things were going so well, but it was all ripped from my hands. The door was kicked open, the house flooding with police. Bucky knew he could get away, he could kill all of the men that stood before him and leave without a second trace. He didn't run though, he stayed put. His hands were raised in defeat as he sank to his knees, his eyes locking onto my face once more. I cried, pleaded with them to let him go. He wasn't going to be able to handle anything. He was going to revert back to his old ways. He wasn't going to be the Bucky I knew anymore.

 

 

“He's missing, said he broke out of his restraints and attacked the guards” Steve sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“That doesn't sound like Bucky and you know it” I wanted to be angry with him, he had let slip that Bucky was safe around Tony, and it wasn't long until they found us.

“I'm trying to find him, trust me I am” Steve looked at the screen in front of him, wherever Bucky was, he was making sure no one would find him.

“This seems too easy for him to escape Steve, we all know that if it was him he'd of tried to find me. The man couldn't stand to be by himself for longer than five minutes, but now he's escaped and he doesn't want to find me?” Steve knew what I was saying, someone wanted Bucky to escape.

“You don't think?” Steve trailed off, I wanted to say no, but it was the only possibility we had.

 

Steve frowned, a notification lighting up his phone. Bucky was found, but it wasn't going to be easy to stop him. My heart leapt into my throat, what the hell were we going to do?

 

“You have to be there, to help break him of whatever they're going to do” Steve knew it was a risk to have me anywhere near the super soldier, especially if Hydra had gotten their hands on him again, he would be a killing machine.

“I'll do it, whatever it's gonna take Steve” I turned and looked back at his computer, this was the last thing I wanted.

 

Nat was undercover, her eyes scanning the area for the soldier. We were currently in Berlin, that had been the last place he was spotted. He was good at hiding, and it was discouraging Steve and I more everyday. Nat had eyes on him then, she stayed calm and collected while he walked by, sipping her coffee without so much as a second glance at him.

 

“Go, he's heading inside the building now” Steve was running atop the buildings, landing on the rooftop of where Bucky had just entered.

 

I pressed myself tighter in the room was staying in, it was small. He wanted to make sure no one found him, and I was going to get caught if I couldn't control my heart rate. The man could fucking hear me breathing if he wanted to, god I didn't want to meet the soldier. The door shut quietly as he stepped inside, setting down a bag with a sigh. He mumbled softly to himself in German, why couldn't he speak in english so I knew I wasn't about to die?

 

“Stay inside, don't move” Steve's voice came over the comms, he was trying to keep me calm.

 

I simply nodded and pressed my body tighter against the wall, Bucky stiffened suddenly, his eyes locking on the door I was currently hiding behind. His eyes were cold, empty. My throat tightened with oncoming tears, I was about to die. There was no way in hell this was the same man I had brought down from nightmares all those months ago. His metal hand wrenched the door open, eyes locking onto my own as we stared at one another. Bucky's lips pulled back into a snarl as his left hand wrapped around my throat. I thrashed as he lifted me easily from the ground, he was entirely void of any emotion, and I was sure this is where I was going to die.

 

“B-Buck please” It was becoming harder to pull any air into my lungs, everything slowly turning black.

“Buck let her go” Steve stood behind us both, towering over the man who was dead set on killing me.

“This isn't your fight” Bucky glared at Steve, his fingers loosening slightly.

“Let us help you, this wasn't meant to happen” Steve's still holding his shield protectively over himself, afraid Bucky was going to lash out.

“It's always going to happen Rogers” Bucky's grip is suddenly gone then, except I don't feel myself hitting the floor, his arms are wrapped around my waist.

 

Bucky has turned to face Steve entirely now, holding me roughly against him. It felt as if he was using me as a human shield, to protect himself from Steve. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks, I just wanted to be back home in my bed where it was safe. Steve laid down the shield slowly, surrendering and letting Bucky know he had won.

 

“Don't cry doll, I'm sorry” Bucky whispered softly in my ear, my breath caught. He hadn't called me doll in so long.

“Bucky” His name was a whisper on my lips.

 

He was running from the building, his grip never loosening from my waist. Steve knew better than to chase, it would only push Bucky to run faster. I held the phone tightly in my hand, I would assure Steve that he could find us when Bucky was finally ready.

 

**6 Months Later**

 

Everything was cold, and damp. The sleeping bag I had pulled myself into did nothing for warmth, I might as well have been sleeping naked for all it did. Bucky had been tending to the fireplace, placing logs when it got too low. He was too afraid to go back to the house, begging for Steve not to find us. It was hard being away for so long. All he wanted was for Bucky to be safe, to ensure that the soldier he had fought wouldn't come back.

 

“You're gonna freeze, come here” Bucky held his arms out, his lips pulled into a frown.

 

I scooted closer to him and sighed as his arms wrapped gently around my waist, his chest pressed tight against my back. The warmth from his skin was intoxicating, and if he held me any tighter I was going to fall asleep rather quickly.

 

“I want to go back to the house, did Steve finish fixing it?” Bucky's breath washed over my shoulder gently, it sent a shiver down my spine.

“He said it's done, they're putting up a field of sorts” Steve was going to make sure no one ever found us, asking T'Challa for advice on how to hide the house in plain sight.

“Hmm” Bucky nodded, seemingly lost in thought.

 

Wanda had promised the house would look similar to before the whole mess, the only problem were the bedrooms. Bucky's room had been demolished when they looked for anything to incriminate him with, so he'd either have to sleep on the couch, or in my room. I wanted to yell at Steve, beg him to fix Bucky's room so the man was comfortable. But I couldn't, he knew deep down that Bucky wouldn't be able to look at that room without fear. Even if I was by his side, he'd always be afraid of _something._ He had been tortured for so long that he wasn't even sure what was reality at times.

 

“Steve said your room is destroyed, I'll have them move your stuff into my old room. You can stay in their until I can fix the rest of it” I tried to keep my voice even, I knew this was harder on Bucky than he was willing to let on.

“No, I'll use the couch for now, it's alright” I shook my head before Bucky could even finish his sentence. He needed a closed off room more than I did.

“No, you take the room Buck, if you have a nightmare the couch won't be able to hold you” Bucky frowned, his arms tightening.

“I can't, it's your room” Buck knew we were fighting a losing battle, I wouldn't give up until he had given in.

 

The room became still, silence hung in the air as he debated his limited options. There was another sound though, an almost silent hissing sound. Bucky's arms weren't tense, he didn't panic when he heard it.

 

“You know, the quinjets waiting on the roof” I couldn't help the scream that tore through my throat as Steve stood behind us.

“Jesus! What the hell is wrong with you? Sneaking up on us like that” I pulled away from Bucky and threw a pillow at him.

“I'm surprised Buck didn't hear me, he's been sitting there like a statue” Steve shrugged and set the pillow back down onto the floor. And he was right, Bucky hadn't moved an inch from when I stood up, or screamed.

 

His eyes were cold and empty, staring blankly into the fire in front of him.

 

“I sounded like that, when I fell” His eyes focused on my face slowly, his eyes full of an emotion I couldn't quite place.

“Oh Buck” I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him flush to my chest.

“All I can see is the water, and the snow. God there was so much blood” Bucky's voice is cracking with oncoming tears, Steve's watching his friend break.

 

The painful sobs that tore through Bucky tore my heart apart. The man tried to be strong, to assure Steve and I that he was going to be alright. I could see through that though, he wasn't alright, he was hurting too much. Tears soaked through my shirt, clinging to my chest as I ran my fingers gently through his hair.

 

It took almost ten minutes for him to calm down enough to breathe evenly, Steve was ready for us to leave, to head back to our home. He stood without a word, grabbing our bags before heading up the quinjet. Steve took the seat and began the journey back home.

 

The forest was quiet around our house, birds chirping happily, squirrels running all over the ground. Bucky seemed on edge as we stepped off the quinjet, his eyes glancing over the yard as he stepped closer to the house. Steve and everyone had done an amazing job cleaning it up, you wouldn't of known half the house was torn apart to get to Bucky.

 

“I can't thank you enough Steve, for all of this” I kept my eyes on Bucky as he walked inside, dropping the bags just inside the door.

“No need to thank me, we wanted to do this for you guys. I made sure Buck's old room was boarded off for now, until I can get more time off to fix it” Tony must've been on his ass about being gone so often, of course.

“I'll do as much as I can, maybe while he's chopping firewood” I felt Steve's arms wrap around me in a hug before I could register it, wrapping my own arms around him.

“Go, before he comes out and drags you inside” Steve chuckled, I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

 

I waited until he was gone before heading into the house, the sound of floorboards creaking let me know Bucky had made it upstairs. Most likely shoving my clothes back into the closet to deter me from taking the bedroom. Heading up the stairs felt more daunting than I was anticipating, he was standing in front of the boarded up room.

 

“I can still hear them breaking all the windows, screaming at you” I could feel Bucky's eyes glance over to me, there was so much pain in them.

“I thought they were going to kill me, I was afraid for you” Bucky frowned slightly, his body turning to face me.

“They wouldn't kill you, you had too much information about me to let that happen” Bucky walked over slowly, his arms encompassing my waist gently.

“I'm just glad to be back home” I mumbled softly against his chest.

“How about a nap before we do anything?” Bucky asked, he leaned down and picked me up bridal style before I could even say no.

 

He walked down to the bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot before setting me down onto the bed. The room felt no different than how it had been left all that time ago, not a single thing was out of place. Bucky plopped down onto the bed beside me, running a hand through his hair slowly.

 

“If we're gonna nap, you are not sleeping in this bed with jeans on” I sat up and pulled off my jeans and hoodie. Bucky's cheeks lit up with a deep blush before he pulled off his own hoodie and jeans.

“I didn't want to make you uncomfortable is all” Bucky yawned loudly, plopping back on the bed with a groan.

“You haven't made me uncomfortable at all, don't worry” I pulled him higher up on the bed, cuddling into his side.

 

He didn't say another word, simply pulling the blanket over us both before getting comfortable himself. His arms made their way around my waist, squeezing gently as he stared up at the ceiling. I wanted to ask him questions, to see how he had been feeling, but sleep slowly took over.

 

Waking up wasn't like back in Germany. It was warm and comforting, the soft snores were echoing in the room. I furrowed my brow and looked down at the arm encompassing my waist, metal. I couldn't help but smile, Bucky had decided to stay in my room after all. This was where we were meant to be, not necessarily on the run from everyone, but just able to relax.

 

“Mmm, you're awake” His voice was groggy with sleep. His arm tightening around my waist gently.

“The suns setting, I couldn't help but notice” I mumbled with a quiet laugh.

“This feels nice, no one to worry about for a while. Might have to thank Stevie after all” Bucky pressed his lips to my temple.

“I already thanked him, he said he'll visit when he can. Though I'm not entirely sure that'll be anytime soon” Not with how Tony would be on his ass at any moment.

“That's fine with me, I'd rather spend time alone anyway” Bucky rolled onto his back and sat up, his hair a disheveled mess.

 

It felt so easy to be myself around him, and there was no denying my feelings for him any longer, it was just actually telling him that was the problem. He wasn't thinking about dating, or anybody's feelings but his own. And who would blame the guy? He was tortured for years, put through the ringer more times than he would ever be able to count.

 

“I can't thank you enough, for helping me” Bucky's hands were clasped together, resting against his stomach.

“You deserve the help, more than anyone else I know” I smiled and rolled onto my side, facing him fully.

“I'll take whatever I can get at this point” Bucky chuckled before turning his head to face me.

 

Our faces were mere inches apart, his breath washing over my face lightly.

 

“I love you” The words were mere whispers, but I knew Bucky heard them.

“Good, because I love you too” His smile was bright, my heart soared as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with everything I had in me.

 

His lips moved against my own, his hands grasping my waist with a vice grip. It was like fireworks were going off, butterflies swarming my stomach. Bucky's hands slid up to my back, our chests pressing together. He pulled away for air after a few minutes, our lips were swollen.

 

“So you love me huh?” I giggled as Bucky rolled his eyes playfully, a wide smile on his face.

“Yes I do, now let's go make dinner and relax for the night” I nodded and watched Bucky get up from the bed.

 

If this was how things would always be, I wasn't going to ever complain about being on the run.

 


End file.
